You're Still Here?

It has been far too long since I have sat down to write and get my thoughts out there. It has also been a roller coaster for the past four months.

I had my revision surgery on my knee which began the whole circle of emotions again. It was like having my replacement done for the first time, emotion wise. Physical wise it has been a whole lot better. The pain is different. It is healing pain.

Now the not so fun part...

I starting having my manic and depressive moods again. Fortunately for all those involved, my mania was not as bad as it has been in the past. I was overly happy and singing at weird times. It was similar to "floating on cloud nine". When the low hit it came crashing in like a battering ram. I sat at my desk and started bawling over the most minuscule thing. This was not an isolated incident. I cried over the pharmacy hours after my doctor sent in a new prescription. I cried over everything. I am not THAT emotional.

This prompted new rounds of medication. The first prescription made me so tired that it caused me to be more emotional. I was taken off of that within a week. Then two more were added. Those have been helping, so far. I did have one small high and low incident but nothing that has drawn concern.

My invisible/chronic illnesses are all still untreated. The doctors are blanket treating me with medicines to combat the pain but they do not fully address all the issues that I am having. I finally asked for a new referral for my pain. I want a doctor that will listen to me and won't make me feel like less of a person for what I am going through. This feeling became more apparent when I went to renew my handicap placard and he told me that everything would be resolved within a year. Degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, and lupus do not correct themselves. There is no cure for any of theses, just like there is no cure for the arthritis that plagues several ares in my body.

I did finally get a referral to a doctor in hopes of correcting my botched hysterectomy. The first doctor played it safe which left endometriosis in my body. I know there is no cure for that but if a doctor removes all the current lesions it does help. 12 years later I am finally seeing someone to get that help.

This right here is why I advocate like I do and why I won't stop advocating. Even though I may suffer I do not want others to feel that they have to suffer in silence like I have for years. It also helps others to know that they are not alone.

#Endometriosis #awareness #fibromyalgia #mentalhealth #depression #bipolar #lupus #life #invisibleillness